Her name was
Connie. She was fifteen and she had a quick, nervous giggling habit of craning
her neck to glance into mirrors or checking other people's faces to make sure
her own was all right. Her mother, who noticed everything and knew everything
and who hadn't much reason any longer to look at her own face, always scolded
Connie about it. "Stop gawking at yourself. Who are you? You think you're
so pretty?" she would say. Connie would raise her eyebrows at these
familiar old complaints and look right through her mother, into a shadowy
vision of herself as she was right at that moment: she knew she was pretty and
that was everything. Her mother had been pretty once too, if you could believe
those old snapshots in the album, but now her looks were gone and that was why
she was always after Connie.
"Why don't
you keep
your room
clean like your sister? How've
you got
your hair
fixed—what the hell
stinks? Hair spray? You don't see
your sister using that junk."
Her sister June
was twenty-four and still lived at home. She was a secretary in the high school
Connie attended, and if that wasn't bad enough—with her in the same building—she was so plain and chunky and steady that Connie had to hear her praised all the time by
her mother and her mother's sisters. June did this, June did that, she saved
money and helped clean the house and cooked and Connie couldn't do a thing, her
mind was all filled with trashy daydreams. Their father was away at work most
of the time and when he came home he
wanted supper and he read the newspaper at supper and after supper he went to
bed. He didn't bother talking much to them, but around his bent head Connie's
mother kept picking at her until Connie wished her mother was dead and she
herself was dead and it was all over. "She makes me want to throw up
sometimes," she complained to her friends. She had a high, breathless, amused voice that made everything
she said sound a little forced, whether it was sincere or not.
There was one
good thing: June went places with girl friends of hers, girls who were just as
plain and steady as she, and so when Connie wanted to do that her mother had no
objections. The father of Connie's best girl friend drove the girls the three
miles to town and left them at a
shopping plaza so they could walk through the stores or go to a movie, and when
he came to pick them up again at eleven
he never bothered to ask what they had done.
They must have
been familiar sights, walking around the shopping plaza in their shorts and
flat ballerina slippers that always
scuffed the sidewalk, with charm bracelets jingling on their thin
wrists; they would lean together to whisper and laugh secretly if someone
passed who amused or interested them. Connie had long dark blond hair that drew
anyone's eye to it, and she wore part
of it pulled up on her head and puffed out and the rest of it she let
fall down her back. She wore a pull-over jersey blouse that looked one way when she was at home and
another way when she was away from home. Everything about her had two sides to
it, one for home and one for anywhere that was not home: her walk, which could
be childlike and bobbing, or languid enough to make anyone think she was
hearing music in her head; her mouth, which was pale and smirking most of the
time, but bright and pink on these evenings out; her laugh, which was cynical and drawling at home—"Ha,
ha, very funny,"—but highpitched and nervous anywhere
else, like the jingling of the charms on her bracelet.
Sometimes they
did go shopping or to a movie, but sometimes they went across the highway,
ducking fast across the busy road, to
a drive-in restaurant where older kids hung out. The restaurant was
shaped like a big bottle, though squatter than a real bottle, and on its cap was a revolving figure of a
grinning boy holding a hamburger aloft. One night in midsummer they ran across,
breathless with daring, and right away
someone leaned out a car window and invited them over, but it was just a boy
from high school they didn't like. It
made them feel good to be able to ignore him. They went up through the maze of
parked and cruising cars to the bright- lit, fly-infested restaurant, their
faces pleased and expectant as if they were entering a sacred building that
loomed up out of the night to give
them what haven and blessing they yearned for. They sat at the counter and
crossed their legs at the ankles, their thin shoulders rigid with excitement,
and listened to the music that made everything so good: the music was always in
the background, like music at a church
service; it was something to depend upon.
A boy named
Eddie came in to talk with them. He sat backwards on his stool, turning himself
jerkily around in semicircles and then stopping and turning back again, and
after a while he asked Connie if she would like something to eat. She said she
would and so she tapped her friend's arm on her way out—her friend pulled her face up into a brave, droll look—and Connie said she would meet her
at eleven, across the way. "I just hate to leave her like that,"
Connie said earnestly, but the boy said that she wouldn't be alone for long. So they went out to his car, and
on the way Connie couldn't help but let her eyes wander over the windshields
and faces all around her, her face
gleaming with a joy that had nothing to do with Eddie or even this place; it
might have been the music. She drew
her shoulders up and sucked in her breath with the pure pleasure of being alive,
and just at that moment she happened to glance at a face just a few feet from
hers. It was a boy with shaggy black hair, in a convertible jalopy painted
gold. He stared at her and then his lips widened into a grin. Connie slit her
eyes at him and turned away, but she couldn't help glancing back and there he
was, still watching her. He wagged a finger and laughed and said, "Gonna get you, baby," and Connie turned away again without
Eddie noticing anything.
She spent
three hours with him, at the restaurant where they ate hamburgers and drank
Cokes in wax cups that were always sweating, and then down an alley a mile or
so away, and when he left her off at five to eleven only the movie house was
still open at the plaza. Her girl
friend was there, talking with a boy. When Connie came up, the two girls smiled
at each other and Connie said, "How was the movie?" and the girl
said, 'You should know." They rode off with the girl's father, sleepy and
pleased, and Connie couldn't help but look back at the darkened shopping plaza
with its big empty parking lot and its signs that were faded and ghostly now, and over at the drive-in
restaurant where cars were still circling tirelessly. She couldn't hear the music at this distance.
Next morning June asked her how the movie was and Connie
said, "So-so."
She and that girl
and occasionally another girl went out several times a week, and the rest of
the time Connie spent around the house—it was
summer vacation—getting in
her mother
s way
and thinking,
dreaming about the boys she
met. But
all the
boys fell
back and dissolved into a single face that was not even a face but an
idea, a feeling, mixed up with the urgent insistent pounding of the music and the humid night air of
July. Connie's mother kept dragging her back to the daylight by finding things
for her to do or saying suddenly, 'What's this about the Pettinger girl?"
And Connie
would say nervously, "Oh, her. That dope." She always drew thick
clear lines between herself and such girls, and her mother was simple and kind
enough to believe it. Her mother was so simple, Connie thought, that it was
maybe cruel to fool her so much. Her mother went scuffling around the house in
old bedroom slippers and complained over the telephone to one sister about the other, then the other called up and the
two of them complained about the third one. If June's name was mentioned her
mother's tone was approving, and if Connie's name was mentioned it was
disapproving. This did not really mean she disliked Connie, and actually Connie
thought that her mother preferred her to June just because she was prettier,
but the two of them kept up a pretense
of exasperation, a sense that they were tugging and struggling over
something of little value to either of them. Sometimes, over coffee, they were almost friends, but something
would come up—some vexation that was like a fly buzzing suddenly around their heads—and their faces went hard with contempt.
One Sunday Connie got up at eleven—none of them bothered with church—and washed her hair so that it could dry all day long in the sun. Her parents and sister were
going to a barbecue at an aunt's house and Connie said no, she wasn't
interested, rolling her eyes to let her mother know just what she thought of
it. "Stay home alone then," her mother said sharply. Connie sat out
back in a lawn chair and watched them drive away, her father quiet and bald,
hunched around so that he could back the car out, her mother with a look that
was still angry and not at all softened through the windshield, and in the back
seat poor old June, all dressed up as
if she didn't know what a barbecue was, with all the running yelling
kids and the flies. Connie sat with her eyes closed in the sun, dreaming and
dazed with the warmth about her as if this were a kind of love, the caresses of
love, and her mind slipped over onto thoughts of the boy she had been with the
night before and how nice he had been, how sweet it always was, not the way someone
like June would suppose but sweet, gentle, the way it was in movies and
promised in songs; and when she opened her eyes she hardly knew where she was,
the back yard ran off into weeds and a fence-like line of trees and behind it
the sky was perfectly blue and still. The asbestos ranch house that was now three years old startled her—it looked small. She shook her head as if to get awake.
It was too
hot. She went inside the house and turned on the radio to drown out the quiet.
She sat on the edge of her bed, barefoot, and listened for an hour and a half
to a program called XYZ Sunday Jamboree, record after record of hard, fast,
shrieking songs she sang
along with, interspersed by exclamations
from "Bobby
King": "An' look here, you
girls at Napoleon's—Son and
Charley want you to pay real close
attention to this song coming up!"
And Connie
paid close attention herself, bathed in a glow of slow-pulsed joy that seemed
to rise mysteriously out of the music itself and lay languidly about the
airless little room, breathed in and breathed out with each gentle rise and
fall of her chest.
After a
while she heard a car coming up the drive. She sat up at once, startled,
because it couldn't be her father so soon. The gravel kept crunching all the way in from the road—the driveway was long—and Connie ran to the window. It was a car she didn't know. It was
an open jalopy, painted a bright gold that caught the sunlight opaquely. Her
heart began to pound and her fingers snatched at her hair, checking it, and she whispered,
"Christ. Christ," wondering how bad she looked. The car came to a
stop at the side door and the horn
sounded four short taps, as if this were a signal Connie knew.
She went
into the kitchen and approached the door slowly, then hung out the screen door,
her bare toes curling down off the step. There
were two boys in the car and now she recognized the driver: he had shaggy,
shabby black hair that looked crazy as a wig
and he was grinning at her.
"I ain't late, am I?" he said.
"Who the hell do you think you are?" Connie
said.
"Toldja I'd be out, didn't
I?"
"I don't even know who you are."
She spoke
sullenly, careful to show no interest or pleasure, and he spoke in a fast,
bright monotone. Connie looked past him to the
other boy, taking her time. He had fair brown hair, with a lock that
fell onto his forehead. His sideburns gave him a fierce, embarrassed look, but
so far he hadn't even bothered to glance at her. Both boys wore sunglasses. The
driver's glasses were metallic and mirrored everything in miniature.
"You wanta come for a
ride?" he said.
Connie
smirked and let her hair fall loose over one shoulder. "Don'tcha like my
car? New paint job," he said. "Hey." "What?"
"You're cute."
She
pretended to fidget, chasing flies away from the door. "Don'tcha believe
me, or what?" he said.
"Look, I don't even know who
you are," Connie said in disgust.
"Hey,
Ellie's got a radio, see. Mine broke down." He lifted his friend's arm and
showed her the little transistor radio the boy was holding, and now Connie
began to hear the music. It was the same program that was playing inside the
house.
"Bobby King?" she said.
"I
listen to him all the time. I think he's great." "He's kind of
great," Connie said reluctantly.
"Listen, that guy's great. He knows where the action
is."
Connie
blushed a little, because the glasses made it impossible for her to see just
what this boy was looking at. She couldn't decide if she liked him or if he was just a
jerk, and so she dawdled in the doorway and wouldn't come down or go back
inside. She said, "What's all that stuff painted on your car?"
"Can'tcha
read it?" He opened the door very carefully, as if he were afraid it might
fall off. He slid out just as carefully, planting his feet firmly on the ground, the tiny metallic
world in his glasses slowing down like gelatine hardening, and in the midst of
it Connie's bright green blouse. "This here is my name, to begin with, he
said. ARNOLD FRIEND was written in tarlike black letters on the side, with a drawing of a round, grinning
face that reminded Connie of a pumpkin, except it wore sunglasses. "I
wanta introduce myself, I'm Arnold
Friend and that's my real name and I'm gonna be your friend, honey, and inside
the car's Ellie Oscar, he's kinda shy."
Ellie brought his transistor radio up to his shoulder and balanced it
there. "Now, these numbers are a secret code, honey," Arnold Friend
explained. He read off the numbers 33, 19, 17 and raised his eyebrows at her to
see what she thought of that, but she didn't think much of it. The left rear
fender had been smashed and around it was written, on the gleaming gold
background: DONE BY CRAZY WOMAN DRIVER. Connie had to laugh at that. Arnold
Friend was pleased at her laughter and looked up at her. "Around the other side's a lot more —you wanta come and see them?"
"No."
"Why
not?" "Why should I?"
"Don'tcha
wanta see what's on the car? Don'tcha wanta go for a ride?" "I don't know."
"Why not?"
"I got
things to do." "Like what?" "Things."
He laughed as if
she had said something funny. He slapped his thighs. He was standing in a
strange way, leaning back against the car as if he were balancing himself. He
wasn't tall, only an inch or so taller than she would be if she came down to
him. Connie liked the way he was
dressed, which was the way all of them dressed: tight faded jeans stuffed into
black, scuffed boots, a belt that
pulled his waist in and showed how lean he was, and a white pull-over
shirt that was a little soiled and showed the hard small muscles of his arms and shoulders. He looked
as if he probably did hard work, lifting and carrying things. Even his neck
looked muscular. And his face was a familiar face, somehow: the jaw and chin
and cheeks slightly darkened because he hadn't shaved for a day or two, and the nose long and hawklike, sniffing
as if she were a treat he was going to gobble up and it was all a joke.
"Connie, you ain't telling
the truth. This is your day set aside for a ride with me and you know it,"
he said, still laughing. The way he straightened and recovered from his fit of
laughing showed that it had been all fake.
"How do you
know what my name is?" she said suspiciously. "It's Connie."
"Maybe and maybe not."
"I know my
Connie," he said, wagging his finger. Now she remembered him even better,
back at the restaurant, and her cheeks warmed
at the
thought of how she had
sucked in her breath just
at the
moment she passed him—how she must
have looked
to him. And
he had remembered her. "Ellie and I come out here especially for
you," he said. "Ellie can sit in back. How about it?"
"Where?"
"Where what?"
"Where're we going?"
He looked at
her. He took off the sunglasses and she saw how pale the skin around his eyes
was, like holes that were not in shadow but instead in light. His eyes were
like chips of broken glass that catch the light in an amiable way. He smiled.
It was as if the idea of going for a ride somewhere, to someplace, was a new
idea to him.
"Just for a ride, Connie sweetheart."
"I never said my name was
Connie," she said.
"But I
know what it is. I know your name and all about you, lots of things,"
Arnold Friend said. He had not moved yet but stood still leaning back against the side of his jalopy. "I took a special interest in you, such a pretty girl, and found out all about you—like I know your
parents and sister are gone somewheres and I know where and how long they're
going to be gone, and I know who you were with last night, and your best girl
friend's name is Betty. Right?"
He spoke in
a simple lilting voice, exactly as if he were reciting the words to a song. His
smile assured her that everything was fine. In the car Ellie turned up the volume
on his radio and did not bother to look around at them.
"Ellie can
sit in the back seat," Arnold Friend said. He indicated his friend with a
casual jerk of his chin, as if Ellie did not count and she should not bother
with him.
"How'd you find out all that stuff?" Connie
said.
"Listen:
Betty Schultz and Tony Fitch and Jimmy Pettinger and Nancy Pettinger," he
said in a chant. "Raymond Stanley and Bob
Hutter—"
"Do you
know all those kids?" "I know everybody."
"Look, you're kidding.
You're not from around here."
"Sure."
"But—how come we never saw you before?"
"Sure
you saw me before," he said. He looked down at his boots, as if he were a
little offended. "You just don't remember." "I guess I'd remember you," Connie said.
"Yeah?"
He looked up at this, beaming. He was pleased. He began to mark time with the
music from Ellie's radio, tapping his fists lightly together. Connie looked
away from his smile to the car, which was painted so bright it almost hurt her
eyes to look at it. She looked at
that name,
ARNOLD FRIEND. And up at
the front
fender was an expression that
was familiar—MAN THE
FLYING SAUCERS. It was an expression
kids had used the year before but didn't use this year. She looked at it for a
while as if the words meant something to her that she did not yet know.
"What're
you thinking about? Huh?" Arnold Friend demanded. "Not worried about
your hair blowing around in the car, are you?" "No."
"Think I
maybe can't drive good?" "How do I know?"
"You're a
hard girl to handle. How come?" he said. "Don't you know I'm your
friend? Didn't you see me put my sign in the air when you walked by?"
"What sign?"
"My
sign." And he drew an X in the air, leaning out toward her. They were
maybe ten feet apart. After his hand fell back to his side the X was still in the air, almost visible.
Connie let the screen door close and stood perfectly still inside it, listening
to the music from her radio and the boy's blend together. She stared at Arnold
Friend. He stood there so stiffly relaxed, pretending to be relaxed, with one
hand idly on the door handle as if he were keeping himself up that way and had
no intention of ever moving again. She recognized most things about him, the
tight jeans that showed his thighs and buttocks and the greasy leather boots
and the tight shirt, and even that
slippery friendly smile of his, that sleepy dreamy smile that all the boys used
to get across ideas they didn't want to put into words. She recognized all
this and also the singsong way he talked, slightly mocking, kidding, but
serious and a little melancholy, and she recognized the way he tapped one fist
against the other in homage to the perpetual music behind him. But all these
things did not come together.
She said suddenly, "Hey, how old are you?"
His smiled
faded. She could see then
that he
wasn't a kid, he was
much older—thirty, maybe
more. At this knowledge her
heart began to pound faster.
"That's a
crazy thing to ask. Can'tcha see I'm your own age?" "Like hell you
are."
"Or
maybe a couple years older. I'm eighteen." "Eighteen?" she said
doubtfully.
He grinned to
reassure her and lines appeared at the corners of his mouth. His teeth were big
and white. He grinned so broadly his eyes became slits and she saw how thick
the lashes were, thick and black as if painted with a black tarlike material.
Then, abruptly, he seemed to become embarrassed and looked over his shoulder at
Ellie. "Him, he's crazy,"
he said. "Ain't he a riot? He's a nut, a real character." Ellie was
still listening to the music. His sunglasses told nothing about what he was
thinking. He wore a bright orange shirt
unbuttoned halfway to show his chest, which was a pale, bluish chest and not
muscular like Arnold Friend's. His shirt collar was turned up all around and
the very tips of the collar pointed out past his chin as if they were protecting
him. He was pressing the transistor
radio up against his ear and sat there in a kind of daze, right in the sun.
"He's kinda strange," Connie said.
"Hey,
she says you're kinda strange! Kinda strange!" Arnold Friend cried. He
pounded on the car to get Ellie's attention. Ellie turned for the first time and Connie saw with shock that he wasn't a kid either—he had a fair, hairless face, cheeks reddened slightly as if the veins grew too close to the surface of his skin, the face of a forty-year-old baby. Connie felt a wave of dizziness
rise in her at
this sight and
she stared at him as if waiting for something to change the shock of the
moment, make it all right again. Ellie's lips kept shaping words, mumbling
along with the words blasting in his ear.
"Maybe you two better go away," Connie said
faintly.
"What? How
come?" Arnold Friend cried. "We come out here to take you for a ride.
It's Sunday." He had the voice of the man on the radio now. It was the same voice, Connie thought.
"Don'tcha know it's Sunday all day? And honey, no matter who you were with
last night, today you're with Arnold
Friend and don't you forget it! Maybe you better step out here," he said,
and this last was in a different
voice. It was a little flatter, as if the heat was finally getting to him.
"No. I
got things to do." "Hey."
"You two better leave."
"We
ain't leaving until you come with us."
"Like hell I
am—"
"Connie, don't fool around with me. I mean—I mean, don't fool around," he said, shaking his head. He laughed incredulously. He placed his
sunglasses on top of his head, carefully, as if he were indeed wearing a wig,
and brought the stems down behind his
ears. Connie stared at him, another wave of dizziness and fear rising in
her so that for a moment he wasn't even in focus but was just a blur standing there against his gold
car, and she had the idea that he had driven up the driveway all right but had
come from nowhere before that and belonged nowhere and that everything about
him and even about the music that was so familiar to her was only half real.
"If my
father comes and sees you—" "He ain't coming. He's at a
barbecue." "How do you know that?"
"Aunt Tillie's.
Right now they're uh—they're drinking. Sitting
around," he said vaguely, squinting
as if
he were
staring all the way to town
and over to Aunt Tillie's back yard. Then the vision seemed to get clear and he
nodded energetically. "Yeah. Sitting around. There's your sister in
a blue
dress, huh? And high heels,
the poor
sad bitch—nothing like
you, sweetheart!
And your
mother's helping
some fat woman with
the corn,
they're cleaning the corn—husking the corn—"
"What fat woman?" Connie cried.
"How do I know what fat woman, I don't know every
goddamn fat woman in the world!" Arnold Friend laughed.
"Oh, that's Mrs. Hornsby....... Who invited her?" Connie said. She felt a little lightheaded. Her breath was coming quickly.
"She's
too fat. I don't like them fat. I like them the way you are, honey," he
said, smiling sleepily at her. They stared at each other for a
while through the screen door. He said softly, "Now, what you're going to
do is this: you're going to come out that door. You re going to sit up front with me and Ellie's
going to sit in the back, the hell with Ellie, right? This isn't Ellie's date.
You're my date. I'm your lover, honey."
"What? You're crazy—"
"Yes,
I'm your lover. You don't know what that is but you will," he said.
"I know that too. I know all about you. But look: it's real nice and you couldn't ask for nobody better than
me, or more polite. I always keep my word. I'll tell you how it is, I'm always
nice at first, the first time. I'll hold
you so tight you won't think you have to try to get away or pretend anything
because you'll know you can't. And I'll come inside you where it's all
secret and you'll give in to me and you'll love me "
"Shut
up! You're crazy!" Connie said. She backed away from the door. She put her
hands up against her ears as if she'd heard something terrible, something not
meant for her. "People don't talk like that, you're crazy," she
muttered. Her heart was almost too big
now for her chest and its pumping made sweat break out all over her. She looked
out to see Arnold Friend pause and then take a step toward the porch, lurching. He
almost fell. But, like a clever drunken man, he managed to catch his balance.
He wobbled in his high boots and grabbed
hold of one of the porch posts.
"Honey?" he said. "You still
listening?"
"Get the
hell out of here!" "Be nice, honey. Listen." "I'm
going to call the police—"
He wobbled again
and out of the side of his mouth came a fast spat curse, an aside not meant for
her to hear. But even this
"Christ!" sounded forced. Then he began to smile again. She
watched this smile come, awkward as if he were smiling from inside a mask. His whole face was a mask, she
thought wildly, tanned down to his throat but then running out as if he had
plastered make- up on his face but had
forgotten about his throat.
"Honey—? Listen, here's how it is. I always tell the truth and I promise you this: I ain't coming in that house after you."
"You better not! I'm going to call the police if you—if you don't—"
"Honey," he said,
talking right through her voice, "honey, I m not coming in there but you
are coming out here. You know why?"
She was
panting. The kitchen looked like a place she had never seen before, some room
she had run inside but that wasn't good enough, wasn't going to help her. The
kitchen window had never had a curtain, after three years, and there were
dishes in the sink for her to do—probably—and if you ran your hand across the table you'd probably feel something
sticky there.
"You listening, honey? Hey?" "—going to call the police—"
"Soon as you touch the phone I don't need to keep my
promise and can come inside. You won't want that."
She rushed
forward and tried to lock the door. Her fingers were shaking. "But why
lock it," Arnold Friend said gently, talking right into her face. "It's just a screen
door. It's just nothing." One of his boots was at a strange angle, as if
his foot wasn't in it. It pointed out
to the left, bent at the ankle. "I mean, anybody can break through a
screen door and glass and wood and iron or anything else if he needs to, anybody at all, and
specially Arnold Friend. If the place got lit up with a fire, honey, you'd come
runnin' out into my arms, right into my arms an' safe at home—like you knew I was your lover and'd stopped fooling around. I don't mind a nice shy girl but I don't like no fooling
around." Part of those words were spoken with a slight rhythmic lilt, and
Connie somehow recognized them—the echo of a song from last year, about a girl rushing into her boy friend's arms and coming home again—
Connie
stood barefoot on the linoleum floor, staring at him. "What do you
want?" she whispered. "I want you," he said.
"What?"
"Seen you that night and thought, that's the one, yes
sir. I never needed to look anymore."
"But my
father's coming back. He's coming
to get
me. I
had to
wash my
hair first—'' She spoke in a
dry, rapid
voice, hardly raising it for him to hear.
"No,
your daddy is not coming and yes, you had to wash your hair and you washed it
for me. It's nice and shining and all for me. I thank you sweetheart," he
said with a mock bow, but again he almost lost his balance. He had to bend and
adjust his boots.
Evidently his
feet did not go all the way down; the boots must have been stuffed with
something so that he would seem taller. Connie stared out at him and behind him
at Ellie in the car, who seemed to be looking off toward Connie's right, into
nothing. This Ellie said, pulling the
words out of the air one after another as if he were just discovering them,
"You want me to pull out the phone?"
"Shut
your mouth and keep it shut," Arnold Friend said, his face red from
bending over or maybe from embarrassment because Connie had seen his boots.
"This ain't none of your business."
"What—what are you doing? What do you want?" Connie said. "If I call the police they'll get you, they'll arrest you—"
"Promise
was not to come in unless you touch that phone, and I'll keep that
promise," he said. He resumed his erect position and tried to force his shoulders back. He sounded
like a hero in a movie, declaring something important. But he spoke too loudly
and it was as if he were speaking to someone behind Connie. "I ain't made
plans for coming in that house where I don't belong but just for you to come out to me, the way you
should. Don't you know who I am?"
"You're crazy," she whispered. She backed away
from the door but did not want to go into another part of the house, as if this
would
give him permission to come through the door. "What do you . . . you're crazy, you...... "
"Huh? What're you saying, honey?"
Her eyes darted everywhere in the kitchen. She could not
remember what it was, this room.
"This
is how it is, honey: you come out and we'll drive away, have a nice ride. But
if you don't come out we're gonna wait till your people come home and then
they're all going to get it."
"You
want that telephone pulled out?" Ellie said. He held the radio away from
his ear and grimaced, as if without the radio the air was too much for him.
"I
toldja shut up, Ellie," Arnold Friend said, "you're deaf, get a
hearing aid, right? Fix yourself up. This little girl's no trouble and's gonna
be nice to me, so Ellie keep to yourself, this ain't your date right? Don't hem
in on me, don't hog, don't crush, don't bird dog, don't trail me," he said
in a rapid, meaningless voice, as if he were running through all the
expressions he'd learned but was no longer sure which of them was in style,
then rushing on to new ones, making them up with his eyes closed. "Don't
crawl under my fence, don't squeeze in my chipmonk hole, don't sniff my glue,
suck my popsicle, keep your own greasy fingers on yourself!" He shaded his
eyes and peered in at Connie, who was backed against the kitchen table.
"Don't mind him, honey, he's just a creep.
He's a dope.
Right? I'm the boy for you, and like I said, you come out here nice like a lady
and give me your hand, and nobody else gets hurt, I mean, your nice old
bald-headed daddy and your mummy and your sister in her high heels. Because
listen: why bring them in this?"
"Leave me alone," Connie whispered.
"Hey, you
know that
old woman
down the
road, the one with the
chickens and stuff—you know her?" "She's
dead!"
"Dead? What?
You know her?" Arnold Friend said. "She's dead—"
"Don't you like her?"
"She's dead—she's—she isn't here any more—"
But don't
you like her, I mean, you got something against her? Some grudge or
something?" Then his voice dipped as if he were conscious of a rudeness.
He touched the sunglasses perched up on top of his head as if to make sure they
were still there. "Now, you be a good girl."
'What are you going to do?"
"Just
two things, or maybe three," Arnold Friend said. "But I promise it
won't last long and you'll like me the way you get to like people you're close
to. You will. It's all over for you here, so come on out. You don't want your
people in any trouble, do you?"
She turned
and bumped against a chair or something, hurting her leg, but she ran into the
back room and picked up the telephone. Something roared in her ear, a tiny roaring, and she was so sick with fear that she could do nothing but listen to it—the telephone
was clammy and very heavy and her fingers groped down to the dial but
were too weak to touch it. She began to scream into the phone, into the
roaring. She cried out, she cried for her mother, she felt her breath start
jerking back and forth in her lungs as if it were something Arnold Friend was
stabbing her with again and again with no tenderness. A noisy sorrowful wailing
rose all about her and she was locked
inside it the way she was locked inside this
house.
After a while she
could hear again. She was sitting on the floor with her wet back against the
wall. Arnold Friend was saying from the door, "That's a good girl. Put the
phone back."
She kicked
the phone away from her. "No, honey. Pick it up. Put it back right."
She picked it up
and put it back. The dial tone stopped. "That's a good girl. Now, you come
outside."
She was hollow
with what had been fear but what was now just an emptiness. All that screaming
had blasted it out of her. She sat, one leg cramped under her, and deep inside
her brain was something like a pinpoint of light that kept going and would not
let her relax. She thought, I'm not going to see my mother again. She thought,
I'm not going to sleep in my bed again. Her bright green blouse was all wet.
Arnold
Friend said, in a gentle-loud voice that was like a stage voice, "The
place where you came from ain't there any more, and where you had in
mind to
go is
cancelled out. This place you
are now—inside your
daddy's house—is nothing
but a
cardboard box I can knock down any time. You know that and
always did know it. You hear me?"
She thought, I have got to think. I have got to know what
to do.
"We'll
go out to a nice field, out in the country here where it smells so nice and
it's sunny," Arnold Friend said. "I'll have my arms tight around you
so you won't need to try to get away and I'll show you what love is like, what
it does. The hell with this house! It looks solid all right," he said. He
ran a fingernail down the screen and the noise did not make Connie shiver, as
it would have the day before. "Now, put your hand on your heart, honey.
Feel that? That feels solid too but we know better. Be nice to me, be sweet like you can because what else is there for a girl like you but to be sweet and pretty and give in?—and get away before her people come
back?"
She felt her
pounding heart. Her hand seemed to enclose it. She thought for the first time
in her life that it was nothing that was hers, that belonged to her, but just a
pounding, living thing inside this body that wasn't really hers either.
"You
don't want them to get hurt," Arnold Friend went on. "Now, get up,
honey. Get up all by yourself." She stood.
"Now, turn
this way. That's right. Come over here to me.—Ellie,
put that away, didn't I tell you? You dope. You miserable creepy
dope," Arnold Friend said. His words were not angry but only part of an
incantation. The incantation was kindly. "Now come out through the kitchen
to me, honey, and let's see a smile, try it, you re a brave, sweet little girl
and now they're eating corn and hot dogs cooked to bursting over an outdoor
fire, and they don't know one thing about you and never did and honey, you're
better than them because not a one of
them would have done this for you."
Connie felt
the linoleum under her feet; it was cool. She brushed her hair back out of her
eyes. Arnold Friend let go of the post tentatively and opened his arms for her,
his elbows pointing in toward each other and his wrists limp, to show that this
was an embarrassed embrace and a little mocking, he didn't want to make her
self-conscious.
She put out
her hand against the screen. She watched herself push the door slowly open as
if she were back safe somewhere in the other doorway, watching this body and
this head of long hair moving out into the sunlight where Arnold Friend waited.
"My
sweet little blue-eyed girl," he said in a half-sung sigh that had nothing
to do with her brown eyes but was taken up just the same by the vast
sunlit reaches of the land
behind him and on all
sides of him—so much
land that
Connie had never seen before and
did not recognize except to know that she was going to it.
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